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What is Marriage? - Suddenly Americans no longer seem to know the answer to that question. We hear people talking about equal rights on the one hand and traditional values on the other. In the midst of this, it seemed helpful to me to place before my readers the teachings of Holy Scripture and the principles that govern us Lutherans as we approach any issue, be it doctrinal or moral.

First a word about tradition and traditional values. The verbal form of the New Testament Greek word translated into English as "tradition" means to hand over or even betray. Thus Judas betrayed Jesus to the High Priests (Mark 14:10) and Jesus gave himself or handed over himself for us (Galatians 2:20).

Further, the term tradition was a technical term among the Jews, referring to customs handed down, customs that went beyond the direct teaching of the Torah. So they accused Jesus' disciples of eating with unwashed hands, contrary to the tradition of the elders (Matthew 15:2; Mark 7:3).  Jesus did not bind his disciples to those Pharisaic rules about washing hands. He called them traditions of men and set them against the revealed commands of God.

The Apostle Paul commended the Corinthians for keeping the traditions as he had delivered them from the Lord Jesus, both about the Lord's Supper and Jesus' resurrection (1 Corinthians 11:2,23; 15:1-11). In this case traditions are revelations from God and not the teachings of men. Thus it is incumbent upon us disciples to pass on the Word of God, even though we are not bound by rites, festivals, meals and regulations of the Old Covenant before the coming of Christ (Colossians 2:16-23) or any man-made traditions about hand washing or tithing.

So we come to the question of marriage. Is it a mere human tradition that can now be changed or is marriage an institution established and revealed by God? For us Lutherans of the Missouri Synod the answer is clear. Marriage and the definition of marriage is clearly revealed and defined by God in His Word.  

In the Documents of the Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod  you will find a detailed discussion of the institution of marriage and divorce. Click on the above link and scroll down to the exegetical study of Divorce and Marriage for the complete article.  Note that marriage is an institution. An institution is a practice or relationship that is of importance in the life of the community. In the case of marriage it is important, because that is how God made us and how he made us to relate to one another. He instituted marriage. Here is part of the article.

A. The Institution of Marriage

1. The Creation of Male and Female. The creation of mankind (Luther's "Menschen," Gen. 1:2-27) as male and female, and more particularly the manner in which the creation took place (Gen. 2:18-22), not only explains why people become married but also lays the foundation for the moral requirements that surround marriage. This is evident from the way in which the author of Genesis by divine revelation speaks of the institution of marriage in Gen. 2:2-24. Gen. 2:22 reports that "the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made (literally, "built") into a woman and brought her to the man." [2] In words "expressive of joyous astonishment" the man responds by saying, "This is at last bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man" (Gen. 2:23). It is only at this point that the inspired writer proceeds to establish the implications of what God has said and done, and is doing: "Therefore ('al ken), a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh

a. A Helper Fit for Him. Because it was not good that man should be alone, God created from man a woman, a "helper fit for him." This expression denotes two aspects of the relationship between the man and the woman: helpfulness and correspondence. The Hebrew word ezer means support or help. The man was created by God as one who needs a partner, not only for the propagation of offspring, but to fulfill the need for mutual support. What is true of the human community in general is true especially of the most intimate of human relationships: "For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up" (Eccl. 4:10). But the helper whom God made for man is "fit for him," that is, "corresponds to" or "is the counterpart to" him. Woman is "a partner over against man, turned in his direction and fit for him to encounter." [4]

It is particularly this latter point which Adam immediately recognizes when the living God brings to him the gift that He had made from the rib of Adam. He first declares that the companion or partner God created is "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh," and that "she was taken out of man ('ish)." For this reason Adam calls her woman ('ishshah).

Thus, when we speak of "companionship" as a purpose for marriage, more is designated than a partnership of mutual assistance and support to the spouse. As the Commission stated in its 1981 report on "Human Sexuality" with reference to the relational purpose of marriage, "rather, the woman is 'a helping being, in which, as soon as he sees it, he may recognize himself.' She is the mirror in which the man will come to know himself as man. The man and woman have been created toward fellowship and neither can come to know the self rightly apart from the other. The woman is given to the man in order that neither of them may be alone, that together they may know themselves in relation to one who is other than self." [5] Divorce, therefore, must be viewed as the refusal to accept in thanksgiving and honor the gift which God has given as the answer to the "aloneness" of man and woman.

b. Flesh of My Flesh. Man's affirmation that woman is "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh," while appearing to be a mere biological statement describing a blood relationship, is an assertion about the original unity of man and woman as whole persons. The term "flesh" here has reference to the entire human being, [6] requiring that marriage be regarded as the union of two individuals in both their physical and psychological dimensions. It is therefore not something in man or something in the woman that is united; the man himself and the woman herself become one. Hence man's exclamation about the gift which God brings to him describes the coming together of male and female into a profoundly personal union: "that which was basar 'echadh (one flesh) before the creation of the 'ishshah, 'woman' (Gen. 2:21f.), is again united into basar 'echadh through the consummation of marriage (Gen. 2:24) and the basar 'echadh attested thereby bears undeniable witness to its complete unity." [7]

Jesus deduces from the creation of man as male and female, whose original unity is manifested and restored when they come together in the one flesh union of marriage, that the Creator made no provision for divorce in the beginning. What was complete is also indissoluble. "The creation of sex, and the high doctrine as to the cohesion it produces between man and woman, laid down in Genesis, interdict separation." [8]

2. Marriage. In a simple, straightforward manner the writer of Genesis [9] speaks of the nature of the marital union designed by God in the creation of male and female: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). When two people marry they enter into an estate whose structure God Himself has established. The structure of marriage is unlike other human associations which for solidarity and permanence depend merely on the mutual agreements of the partners, associations which are entered into by mutual consent and may be dissolved by mutual consent. In marriage we have a "divine joining together" which requires obedience to God and His will that the union remain lifelong.

a. Mutual Commitment. When a man and a woman desire to come together in the one flesh union of marriage, they must be fully cognizant of the permanence and undivided loyalty which constitute the mutual commitment required of them by God. They must be prepared to consent, freely and without constraint, to live with one another in a lasting community of life. This is evident from the terminology employed by the inspired writer in Gen. 2:24.

The man (and by implication the woman) is to leave ('azav) his father and his mother and cleave (davaq) to his wife. [10] Several observations must be made regarding especially the term davaq in this passage. The term means to cling, cleave, or keep close." In a literal sense it can refer to physical things sticking together. For example, Job speaks of his bone cleaving to his skin (19:20; cf. Ps. 102:5) or of the tongue cleaving to the roof of the mouth (Job 29:10). But davaq also refers to the clinging of someone to another with affection and faithfulness (Ruth 1:14; 2 Sam. 20:2; Gen. 34:3; 1 Kings 11:2). Significantly, the word is a covenant term in the Old Testament, denoting the affection and loyalty with which the Israelites are to cleave to the Lord (Deut. 10:20; 11:22; 13:4; 30:20; Josh. 22:5; 23:8). It signifies an exclusive relationship, shutting out all other partners and entailing the jealousy of the covenant partner. Joshua summons Israel to "cleave (davaq) to the Lord your God as you have done to this day" (Josh. 23:8) and to "Take heed ... to love the Lord your God" (v. 11). Just as permanence and undivided loyalty are essential elements in the covenant relation-ship between God and His people, so must the covenant of marriage be entered only by those ready to pledge their permanent fidelity to one another.' Foreign to, and even in conflict with, the Biblical understanding of marriage as a covenantal relationship is the current emphasis in modern culture on compatibility as the all-important constitutive element of the marital union. When compatibility supplants fidelity, and the interests and needs of the individual are made to count for more than commitment to the welfare of another, the likelihood of divorce and its attendant tragedies is greatly increased.

b. One Flesh. Of the union of man and woman in marriage Jesus said: "So that they are no longer two but one flesh." [13] In the coming together of man and woman a new entity is created: "It signifies the coming into being of a unitary existence, a complete partnership of man and woman which cannot be broken up without damage to the partner in it." [14] Whenever a couple unites in the act of intercourse something happens that reaches down to the very core of their being. The union brings into existence a oneness which ex-tends beyond the physical to include the whole man and the whole woman. Subsequent acts of intercourse are expressions of this new reality created by God.

That this is the significance of the one flesh union in marriage is shown by Paul's discussion in 1 Cor. 6:12-20, as well as in Eph. 5:21-43. In 1 Corinthians 6 the apostle, arguing against those who regard sexual intercourse as merely a physical encounter, concludes: "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, the two will become one flesh'" (6:16). [15] A merely physical or bodily, and therefore transient, relationship is an impossibility. Only man himself as total self can be joined with another, not man as a partial being (i.e., as one who functions sexually). Accordingly, "he who loves his own wife, loves himself" (Eph. 5:28). This is because the one flesh relationship makes husband and wife, despite their sexual differentiation, one-as indeed also Christ and the church are one (Eph. 5:31-43). Thus, by its very nature the one flesh union cannot tolerate the intrusion of a third party. In ways that we will probably never fully understand, casual sexual relationships are destructive of the human being, and more critically, are completely incompatible with one's relationship to the Lord. Thus, sexual intercourse outside of marriage is something from which the Christian must flee. (1 Cor. 6:18)

 

I pray this will be helpful as you bear witness by your words and by your votes in the civil realm in these critical days when there is much confusion about marriage.

 

Family Life Websites you may want to visit include the following:

 

Family & Marriage Today
Focus on the Family
Family Life Today
National Center for Fathering  
Parent Talk

 

In sharing these Family Life links with you, we at CrossTies cannot take responsibility for everything found in them. There is much helpful information available, however.

 

The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren has sold over 6 million copies and has been a #1 New York Times bestseller. That's a lot of books. Some Lutheran churches around the country are studying this book. In fact, The Purpose Drive Life has become one of those institutions considered by many to be essential to the life of the Christian community. Rick Warren, we are told, in the ads for The Purpose Driven Church, has taught over 100,000 pastors and church leaders from over 100 countries how to focus away from church building programs to emphasizing a people-building process. There are cards, videos, curriculums and CD's all designed to help individuals and churches to find meaning and significance through reflection of God's purposes for their lives.

 

The question remains, however. Is this an institution of man or is it a clear teaching of the revealed Word of God. Watch for an article soon to be posted on our website and join in the discussion opening in our Forum. We need your comments. This must be discussed.

 

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Dr. Alvin H. Franzmeier

CrossTies Theological Director. Write to me at   alandsyl@airmail.net